- How it affected my life.
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When I was about ten years old, my great grandfather passed away, leaving his wife a widow and alone. Fortunately, my grandmother stepped in and brought her in to live with her and my grandfather. The loss of her spouse was unbearable to my great grandmother as they had been together well over fifty years. Heartbroken, she died less than a year later. As a young man though, I learned the lesson of how the family took care of its own. This is what ultimately drove me to take care of both my wife and mother.
For years, I would wake up early to get some work done on my computer before they woke up. I would then run between homes to take care of them. Fortunately, my mother lived nearby in my neighborhood.
I quickly assumed new responsibilities, such as:
* Preparing their medications and vitamins for the day.
* Preparing and cleaning their nebulizer machines for breathing treatments.
* Maintained their oxygen machines which would from time to time require new lines and filters.
* Helping them get to and from the kitchen, either in a walker or wheelchair.
* Preparing meals for them, including snacks.
* Took them to doctor appointments.
* Entertained them, either through games, newspaper puzzles, rides around town, or just talking with them.
* And a long list of home maintenance chores, such as watering plants, making beds, grocery shopping, washing clothes, car maintenance, paying bills, etc.
In between all of this, I would work out of an office at both houses.
For six years I did this faithfully. Once in a blue moon I would get a chance to escape for a couple of days of fishing, but I would have to rely on relatives to substitute for me which was helpful but difficult for their schedules. Even when I was away, I couldn't really relax as I kept worrying about them.
I am certainly not looking for accolades as I did this out of devotion to them. Day-in and day-out for six years, I felt like I was on a never-ending treadmill. It finally came to an end recently; my wife passed away just over a year ago, and my mother about a month ago.
Now I can reflect on their passing and what I went through. There really wasn't much we could do medically for them. All I could do was to try and make them comfortable. Throughout all of this, I got the uneasy feeling they were actually training me to be alone, which is what I am now.
It seems somewhat eerie now as I no longer have a timetable to maintain and can catch up on my sleep. I suspect I can finally slip away for a longer vacation, but it seems odd for me to think this way. I still have this nagging feeling I should be doing something for them, but I now have to challenge myself to find a new direction. It all seems strange to me.
All of the oxygen machines have been turned off and returned to the vendor. I no longer hear their constant hum. I have disposed of all of the medications and processed considerable paperwork. It's quiet now, deafeningly so.
Being a caregiver can be very demanding. I would often go to bed early as I was mentally exhaused. Occasionally, I would have to get up in the middle of the night to take care of an emergency for them, so I learned to sleep lightly. So, Yes, it is easy to burn yourself out if you are not careful. I found having a good friend to listen to you was incredibly important to maintain your faculties.
In spite of all this, I would give up everything just to talk with my wife or mother again. It was a hell of a lot of work, but I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
Yes, families should take care of their own. If we didn't, how can we say we honestly loved them?
Keep the Faith!
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