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Friday, June 26, 2015

JUST PLAIN WEIRD

BRYCE ON LIFE

- Some obscure observations on the mysteries of life.

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I have always found the little nuances of life to be bewildering. You know, things we tend to overlook or take for granted. Yet, when you examine them closely, you wonder why there are the way they are. For example, have you ever noticed the "cups" marked on a coffee pot? Mine shows twelve, but I can barely get six cups of coffee out of them. Maybe the manufacturer doesn't have the same interpretation of "cup" that I have or the pots are designed for Munchkins. Then again, most of these pots are made in China.

I'm always amazed by the numerous amounts of "spam" e-mails I receive on a daily basis. No matter how many "junk" filters I add, I still receive four times more garbage than regular mail, but I guess this is essentially no different when we were receiving regular mail through the post office. I find it particularly annoying when I receive an e-mail from a stranger stating, "I'm doing great and miss seeing you! Let's get together and get updated!" You then rack your brain wondering if it is legitimate and, of course, it isn't.

Do squirrels poop? I've never seen it. I've seen just about every other animal defecate, be it birds, dogs, cats, even fish, but never squirrels. Maybe they store it away with their nuts.

I hate it when belts no longer work. Young men may like to show their underwear. I, for one, do not. As we get older, our body changes. In my case, I have lost weight and find it embarrassing when the pants begin to fall off my waist, particularly in the company of others. Constantly pulling up your pants may be indicative you have a bladder or bowel problem. I don't, just a hard time keeping the pants up. Maybe it's time for suspenders.

I have always thought golf should be played by speed, kind of like croquet or polo on steroids. You win by a combination of strokes and time. At least it would make the game more interesting than it currently is.

As I grow older, I have more difficulty understanding what young people say. For example, I am at a loss as to when they text such words as "On fleek," "YOLD," "Bae," "Turnt up," and "Dat Ass Doe." I suspect I really do not want to know. Maybe English is morphing into another language altogether.
Have I ever mentioned how much I detest MS Windoze? It interrupted me twice this morning installing updates and re-configuring my register; all rather slowly I might add. Plus, I am sick of having to use the "three finger salute" (Ctrl+Alt+Del) on a daily basis. If this is "State of the Art," we're in big trouble.

Whenever you find yourself liking something, science suddenly steps in and condemns it. Of course, years later, they retract their condemnation and say it was all a mistake, but never apologize for it. I'm still waiting for scientists to renege on tobacco.

What demented souls write crossword puzzles? Instead of a single word to match a clue, they now use multiple words in an answer, usually to form a vague quotation. The puzzlers like to reference geography, but I still do not know where the Cardiff River is located. How about something in the United States? And I really do not care to know the country where "Quechua" is the official language. They also like to reference obscure authors, poets, movie directors, and singers, as if we would really know the identity of these people. I generally do well with clues involving Roman numerals, but I pity those who were never taught this in grade school.

Crossword puzzles seem to get progressively harder as the week goes on. This means we have to waste more time solving them. The only benefit I see from working on these puzzles, it forces you to learn how to use a dictionary and thesaurus. Thank God for Internet crossword solvers, such as Wordplays.com. I believe the reason why most crossword puzzles do not bear the puzzler's name, is because people would hunt them down and kill them like the dogs they are.

Keep the Faith!

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Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 30 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For Tim's columns, see:   timbryce.com

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Copyright © 2015 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.

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