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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

KEEPING MEN GUESSING


I've been married now for over 25 years and you would think that after a quarter century I would have a good idea what my wife likes and dislikes. Frankly, I haven't a clue, and I don't think I'm any different than a lot of other guys out there who still have trouble understanding the feminine mystique. Let me give you some examples...

In preparing to go out for a major social function, my wife typically comes out to model an outfit she is considering to wear and asks what I think about it. Usually she gives me a couple of choices, either this, this, or that. They all look nice, but regardless what I choose, she always settles for something else. After the outfit is selected, then it's a matter of what shoes to wear; again, this, this or that. Whatever I pick, she picks the opposite. Then of course comes the accompanying purse to complete the ensemble where I, of course, swing and miss again. Strike three. Frankly, I believe I'm a broken barometer when it comes to predicting what a woman wants to wear.

My daughter picked up this same modeling habit as she was growing up and would ask my son and I what we thought she should wear. Again, whatever we picked, she picked the opposite. Although she trusted my wife's judgment, my son and I always struck out. However, I got a little comfort out of this as I realized I wasn't alone in picking the wrong fashion.

This phenomenon isn't restricted to clothing either. I run across it whenever I want to order her food, or shop for presents. Whatever I pick, it's never quite right.

I'm flattered she still asks for my opinion on what she wants, but it's all very demoralizing when she ignores you. I am not allowed to take on a defeatist attitude either. For example, if I were to say something like, "Pick whatever you like," I'm accused of not caring. Then again, there is the game of deliberately picking the wrong item in the hopes she will pick what you want. Unfortunately, she sees though this ploy too easily and doesn't fall for it. Bottom-line she picks what she wants and I am nothing more than a shallow endorsement.

I guess the point of this exercise is to simply keep men on their toes and never allow them to get the upper hand.

While I'm on it, another part of the feminine mystique is the woman's purse. This is something I learned a long time ago not to go into as God only knows what you'll find in there, least of all something you're looking for. As I was growing up, my mother would ask me, "Just reach inside my purse and get me this or that." Of course I could never find what she wanted and, instead, learned to just retrieve the purse for her to look through. My wife is no different in this regards.

Women store a lot of things in a purse, such as their wallet, cosmetics, memo pads, glasses, cigarettes, cell phones, menus, report cards (from the 1960's), broken items in need of repair, and other pieces of bricabrac. Actually, the purse is more of a footlocker than anything else, which makes me wonder why anyone would try to snatch a purse as they would get a hernia trying to do so and wouldn't be able to find anything in it even if they were successful.

I also find it interesting how women have different sizes of purses; small dainty ones for social occasions, medium sizes for travel, or the "Big Mama" pack horses. Regardless of the size, they all manage to squeeze the same paraphernalia in them, which would even impress Harry Houdini. Regardless, I've learned to keep a safe distance away from women's purses and when asked to retrieve one, I treat it like a delicate Claymore mine.

Such is my Pet Peeve of the Week.

Keep the Faith!

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Tim Bryce is the Managing Director of M. Bryce & Associates (MBA) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 30 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com

For a listing of Tim's Pet Peeves, click HERE.

Download Tim's new eBook (PDF), "Bryce's Pet Peeve Anthology - Volume I" (free) DOWNLOAD).

Copyright © 2009 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.